You just won the lottery. Congrats. If you’re lucky enough to survive all the lawsuits, betrayals, and murder attempts you’re about to face, you might just live long enough to go bankrupt. If you want any chance of this working out, read this carefully.
Phase 1: Preparation and Security:
The first thing you need to do is absolutely nothing. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t quit your job or drop out of school. Don’t buy a GT3 RS. And don’t claim your prize yet. Most places will give you a few months to grab your check. Let’s just say you won in California, which provides you with 180 days. We’re going to use this to our advantage, but in the meantime, it is absolutely and utterly imperative that you do not lose your ticket.
This actually happened to seven people. Three of them didn’t survive. Take your ticket and sign the back of it. Photocopy it. Take selfies with it. Record a video with it. Put it in a waterproof, fireproof box. Then take that box to the bank and put it in a safety deposit box. Now that your ticket’s hopefully secure, we need to use this time to prepare a few things.
First, we need to hire a professional. I watched a few lottery news segments and found you this guy, Jason Kurland. He’s a self-described lottery lawyer who charges 200k upfront and a 50k monthly fee. That might sound like a lot, but for legal protection, money management, and tax shielding, this is actually a steal. Plus, you won the $200 million Powerball. So, 200K is only 1,000th of your winnings. Now that you have Jason on your team, he’s going to prepare your banking and investment accounts. And of course, he won’t withdraw any money without your written consent. But in your very first meeting, he gives you some bad news.
See, the first rule of winning the lottery is to always stay anonymous. But most places won’t let you do this. California requires the public disclosure of the winner’s full name. And no, a trust won’t help you. You’re getting fully doxed, and we need to prepare for that. But first, your phone rings. It’s your boss telling you off for being late to work.
Resist the urge to show up at the office with an AR-15 and instead put in a two-week notice. Leaving on bad terms would just give your co-workers an excuse to sue you.
Ticket Security and Anonymity Defense:
Now, back to concealing your identity. Delete your social media, get a new phone number, make a new email, and change your primary address to a P.O. box. This should help prevent strangers from tracking you down. But an even bigger threat might just be your own family. One guy won $20 million, and he used it wisely, starting up a successful gourmet popcorn shop and helping out his loved ones. 9 years later, he was murdered by his sister-in-law. If you don’t keep your family in check, you might end up getting killed or, even worse, divorced.
So, here’s the plan. You decide right now the exact amount you want to dedicate to family and set up a trust for it. Once you fund this trust with a portion of your winnings, Jason will take it over. So, when your family members come begging, you could just tell them you’re not in charge of the money. Let Jason be the bad guy. After a few weeks of preparation and sleepless nights, it’s finally time for you to claim your ticket.
But here is where a lot of people mess up. The lottery press conference is where you’ll be presented with the world’s largest stimulus check in front of a horde of reporters who are snapping and publishing nice, clean photos of your face right next to the reward for killing you. It’s going to be an exciting event. I mean, I saw a guy in a press conference once, and he was very happy. He just won a million dollars.
He doesn’t know it yet, but one month after taking this photo, he’s going to mysteriously die of cyanide poisoning. No suspect was ever found. In unrelated news, two women inherited all of his winnings. In completely unrelated news, one woman prepared the last meal he ate before he died.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that the press conference might not be optimal for you. Luckily, there are some genius tactics you can use to reduce its potential harm. Renting a car will stop people from tracking your license plate. Wearing a disguise will lower your profile as long as it’s not ridiculous enough to go viral.
But the smartest way to handle your press conference is by not going. You’re not required to show up for your media appearance. The massive check with your name on it will still get put on the news. You just won’t be in the shot. Instead, you’ll go to the lottery office without any cameras and quietly grab your normal-sized check.
Cashing Out and The Financial Shock:
But as you hold the piece of paper that’s about to change your life, the first thing you’ll notice is that the amount is a lot lower than you expected. See, there are two ways to claim your prize when you win the lottery. If you want the full advertised amount, you need to take the annuity, which means your prize is paid out over 29 years. But you took your award in the more popular lump sum, where you get all the money at once.
But it’ll be just around half of the total jackpot. On top of that, since you won in the US, you’re getting taxed. But don’t worry about this because the authorities have already withheld all the taxes you owe from your check. Just kidding. They’ve withheld some of your taxes, but way less than what you actually owe them.
Luckily, Jason has an accountant on his team who can guide you through the how much do you owe the government debt trap. So, after factoring in the lump sum and taxes, your jackpot has gone from 200 million to a measly 70 million. I guess it’ll have to do.
But before you even cash your check, your phone starts blowing up. All of the friends and family who have your phone number are asking if you’re the mysterious winner. Remember, the public only has your name, but not your face. You can tell some people you really trust, but be careful. Maybe even use an NDA.
Banking, Investment, and Spending Power:
Now, it’s finally time to make your deposit. After your check settles, you’ll see more money in your bank account than you even thought was possible. Hopefully, you’re using a larger bank and not a credit union where your checking account would probably be worth more than all of their assets combined. But even with a massive institution holding your money, you still have a problem. Only 250,000 of your dollars are insured.
But how risky actually is this? Well, ever since 2008, uninsured depositors only lost money in 6% of US bank failures. And large banks like Chase or Wells Fargo are designated as systemically important financial institutions. Aka, they have the US government as their sugar daddy. So, it would take a lot for them to go under. Chances are, you’ll be fine. But still, you should move this money somewhere else.
It’s time to hit up Jason to fund your trusts and investments. Let’s give him 40 million to manage for you. And with a conservative 6% return, this will make you 200k a month. You could put 10 million into your family trust, and now you have $20 million in pure spending power.
So, let’s get down to business. First, you need a new house. I say go with this $10 million LA mansion. It’s got a master bedroom where you’ll wake up to beautiful ocean views, a 500-bottle wine cellar, an infinity pool, and a movie theater. But one thing’s missing. Any toy you ever wanted is now yours. Your dream watch, your dream fit, your dream grocery haul.
The Illusion of Protection and New Threats:
Being a lottery winner is awesome. You’re also starting to realize why rich people live longer than poor people. Not only can you now afford any medical procedures you want, but you even have a private doctor. You pay them 20k a year to be on call for whatever you need. You also get a celebrity fitness trainer for 300 a session, and of course, a private chef to keep your diet perfect. But even more important than this is your total lack of stress. Not having to worry about bills, work, or housing. And having the free time to hang out with friends or take a midday nap has vastly improved your overall well-being.
But then you get a call from Jason that changes everything. See, he helped you buy your house using a trust to keep you anonymous. But internet detectives have somehow managed to trace the ownership back to you. On top of that, news reporters have been silently taking stalker shots of you on your daily routine. And all of a sudden, your face and your address are front-page news.
Your phone immediately starts blowing up. Except this time, it’s not just your friends and family. It’s strangers. You start getting hundreds of letters in the mail. People are telling you their life stories. All they need is 10 grand, 5 grand. Someone even shows up at your house. I think it’s time for you to hire some bodyguards before things start getting worse. And by worse, I mean you might get killed. It’s kind of a rite of passage for lottery winners.
One guy won 30 mil, then got buried in his business partner’s backyard. He won the Brazilian lottery, then got kidnapped while on a walk. His house was broken into, and he was shot to death in front of his kids. But you have one advantage over all these unlucky winners. Your location. Most of these tragic fates happened in not-so-great neighborhoods.
You, on the other hand, are in a $10 million LA mansion surrounded by people who are familiar with money. Hopefully, this will protect you from any real danger and allow you to peacefully live the high life. But what your mansion can’t hide you from are your relationships.
Dealing with Friends, Family, and Opportunists:
Friends are going to come out of the woodwork. Family that they never knew they had. Everyone’s going to be asking for handouts. Friends, I lost all my just about all my friends from New York. When you win, everybody, you know, thinks they won, too. You have to manage to say no to these people. It’s going to make you feel guilty, but the truth is, if you gave everyone money that asked for it, you wouldn’t have anything left. Your mansion’s upkeep costs you 50k a month. Maintenance for your car is an average yearly salary. Your private chef, your trainer, your doctor, your bodyguards, Arowan, Equinox, rich person, parties, woman. Across everything, your monthly expenses are clearing six figures.
But even worse than the broke people begging you for money are the rich people begging you for money. They call themselves financial advisers. They try to hypnotize you with confusing financial linguistics until you’ve signed away 1% of your portfolio for the privilege of underperforming the market. Don’t listen to them. Certainly don’t listen to people pitching you their genius business ideas. All of these opportunists are starting to make you feel like a walking ATM.
When you win the lottery, people won’t respect you like they do other rich people because you didn’t really earn your money. You just experienced a statistical glitch.
Betrayal, Disaster, and The Lottery Myth:
This is where you begin to have a bit of an identity crisis. All you are and all you’re known as is the guy who got lucky. When you meet new people, it’s people often will say, “Well, what do you do?” Especially my circle of people, most people were working or trying to put themselves through college, and oh, I just won the lottery, and I just sit around. That’s not something that I wanted to say.
One day, as you’re contemplating the meaning of life, a mysterious man walks up to you, and he’s here to inform you that you’re being sued. A random guy you’ve never seen in your life is claiming that he bought your ticket, and he’s coming for all of your winnings. He’s going to pay for I’m the winner. God took me to that gas station. I just wanted to ask, man, is there any truth to these claims about the stolen ticket?
Luckily, you’re going to be fine because you have legal protection from our boy, Jason. Jason? A New York attorney known as the lottery lawyer is now charged with extorting lottery winners in a $17 million scheme. Jason helped a lot. He was the first guy I called.
We’re going to have a lot of fun with this. Jason Kurland, along with three others now facing charges ranging from wire fraud to money laundering. Well, in hindsight, giving this guy access to our finances was a pretty stupid decision and totally stole around $10 million from you. He’s obviously going to prison, but that’s money you’re not getting back.
But hey, at least you have a mansion to cry in. 30,000 people have been ordered to evacuate their homes because of a wildfire tearing through the wealthy suburbs of Los Angeles. Among the thousands of people in Southern California who have lost homes in the wildfires is the winner of the biggest lottery jackpot in history.
Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you suffer the same fate as $2 billion Powerball winner Edwin Castro. And for some reason, a large number of lottery winners. Your multi-million dollar house burns to the ground.
It seems like your luck has run out. You’re getting sued. You’ve been robbed of millions. And your home is gone. Your misfortune is, of course, front page news. Everyone loves a good downfall. And you, you’ve become just another lottery failure. Or have you?
Some sources claim that 70% of lottery winners go bankrupt. Others say that it’s one in three. Which is it? The correct answer is neither. Both of those statistics have been completely debunked. Winning the lottery tends to get painted as a curse. But in reality, it turns out that stumbling into millions of dollars is actually pretty great.
Real studies have shown that lottery winners are healthier and live longer. They have a lower chance of being overweight. They have higher long-term life satisfaction. They don’t get socially isolated. Instead, they spend more time with friends. One study found that in a 5-year time span, only 5 1.5% of observed lottery winners went bankrupt. And these were even based on smaller wins.
You’re actually at a higher risk of bankruptcy if your neighbor wins the lottery. Most lottery winners don’t get assassinated. Most lottery winners don’t go broke. Most lottery winners get freedom, health, and happiness.
Conclusion:
Winning the lottery sounds like a dream come true, but for many, it quickly becomes a nightmare. Fame, greed, and bad luck can turn millions into misery almost overnight. But if you stay grounded, get the right help, and make smart choices, that jackpot can buy more than luxury, it can buy freedom, security, and peace of mind. The truth is, money doesn’t ruin people, it just reveals who they really are.
FAQs:
1. What’s the first thing I should do after winning the lottery?
Sign the ticket, secure it, and tell absolutely no one.
2. Can lottery winners stay anonymous?
Only in some states and countries, others require full public disclosure.
3. Should I take the lump sum or annuity?
A lump sum gives instant access but less money overall, an annuity pays more over time.
4. Why do so many lottery winners go broke?
Poor planning, overspending, and bad investments drain their wealth fast.
5. Are lottery winnings taxed?
Yes, federal and often state taxes apply, cutting winnings by nearly half.
6. Do most lottery winners end up unhappy?
Not really, most studies show they’re healthier and more satisfied long-term.
